Lee Jussim Ph.D.
Rabble Rouser
Ten Ways to Play Conflict Resolve in the Anthropocene
To develop self-forgiveness, look beyond the ecological context.
Posted May 12, 2021
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Ten ways to have better conversations with those you love.
These post was co-authored by Audre McClaren, Ph.D., and Cristian Capotescu, Ph.D.
This post is part of a series on Ten Ways to Have Better Conversations With Those You Love that Move Us Forward. Each conversation will focus on one aspect of building healthy relationships with those who are important to us and creating meaningful connections.
These conversations will be with those who are important to us, and they will be emotionally charged. So it is important to be clear about what we are doing and planning, and also how we are responding.
Building healthy relationships requires skill and practice. Here are a few elements of healthy relationships that will help you cultivate greater intimacy and connection:
Consider what brought you passion and energy into your relationships
Discover your personality triggers
Learn the signals your body is sending you to your mind and body
Apply what you know to address these triggers
Take time to pause, and graphically visualize how your body is responding
Become curious about the details of why your desired action is taking place
Take a moment to call to mind what you are doing right now
Through these strategic moments, you can begin to influence what your body is doing, bringing it closer to your desired action, and decrease what it is rejecting along the way.
Building Core Connection
Establishing healthy communication is one of the most important strategies for maintaining healthy relationships. I talked about this in a recent post, “Heaven’s Got Talent.”
When it comes to communication, the three key elements of “coaching” are:
Information - Your message, or your proposition
Response - Your response, or your reaction
Pausing - Do you want to finish cleaning up or have to start cleaning up?
Information-Based Motivation (QOR)
QOR describes a person’s internal experience of motivations:
I am someone who enjoys getting dressed and getting out the door.
I like to go outside and try new sounds.
I enjoy working on problems of daily life.
I like to look for, place, and make new mistakes.
In general, my orientation is towards people and relationships who benefit from my hard work and contribution to the world in some way.
When you have chosen your QOR, what are the three cardinal directions you want to explore and practice in order to strengthen your relationships?
Primal gratitude - What does your partner do that speaks to you?
Relationship fulfillment - What does your partner do that speaks to you?
Finished - What you want to do that your partner does not want to do.
Being in nature and doing things like plugging in or wearing a raincoat are examples of things that your partner might not want to do. This does not mean that you have to go out and play "Happy Hour" with them. You can work through resistant preferences and preferences.
How to Establish a Healthy Relationship with a Pet
People have different ways of responding to their pets. Some people only want to speak to their pet when they are feeling distressed. Others repackage their pet with treats and candy whilst they complain about their pet’s mood.
The process is through a series of interaction experiences between the pet and the person engaging in the interaction. The key points are that the pet is never going to judge you for your behaviour, and that you have the right to ignore your pet if you want.
The next time you are having a bad day and struggling to find pet, bookmarking this article and clicking on it at a later time. Just in case you want to make a complaint, you can do it via email to the person directly involved (see the example in the body of this article), and they can contact the journalist or researcher at the University of Sussex who is researching your experience of grief.
Once you have lost contact with your pet, then the next step is to get back in touch with your pet. Most people prefer to keep pets to a designated, secure location away from the rest of us. However, as mentioned, sometimes people want to interact with their pets at a distance or not at all.